Today, we are welcoming Joni from
Pop Art Minis. Joni had a long flight here, all the way from California, so we are doing our best to make her comfortable when she arrives. With the sweltering heat wave going on here, we have our work cut out for us. Seems that the air conditioner is having issues. The darn thing dumped water all over my hardwood floors and totally endangered my
National Enquirer collection. Luckily, my buddy Tom Selleck and his mustache were on top of things and he managed to rent a UHaul to move the collection to safer ground until the stupid thing is fixed. My buddy Tom totally understands the value of thirty years worth of National Enquirers. He and his mustache are very good to me.
We had the Green Room all set up and ready with lots of sweet tea and ceiling fan action, when Tom’s buddy,
Jennifer Lopez showed up. Apparently, she is looking for someplace to hide for a while to get away from the paparazzi and Tom had told her that she was welcome to come here. They have been following her constantly since the announcement of her divorce from hamster-look-alike, hubby,
Marc Anthony. Personally, I think she had just gotten tired of cleaning up all the cedar shavings. And that darn hamster wheel squeaks all night long. But that is just conjecture on my part. You can’t really fault her. I think we have all fallen for a cute rodent at one time or another.
Rastus came over to set up the Waffle House buffet and was very excited that Jennifer was here. He went so far as to put on his cleanest wife-beater t-shirt and he even shaved. This is honestly the first time I’ve ever seen his chin. But Rastus didn’t keep his mouth shut about her arrival and all of his single, hillbilly cousins have found an excuse to stop by.
I’ve heard nothing but banjo picking all morning as one potential suitor after another has shown up with ridiculous excuses to “talk” to Rastus and puff all up in front of Jennifer in hopes of impressing her. And all of them are bearing gifts. So far, we have two sheep, a pregnant cow, a prize pig, fourteen chickens and two cases of fresh moonshine all crammed into the lobby.
And here is Joni. Ummmm….sorry about the farm-like atmosphere. Let’s go into my office where the air conditioner is working and we can do our interview in quiet. Just step this way.
Oh….sorry about that. Tom, can you clean Joni’s shoe? Darn cow.