Revenge of the Amaryllis

My boss gave me an Amaryllis for Christmas. Apparently, he does not know me as well as he thinks. You see, along with charring most everything I cook within inches of it’s life, I am not very good at keeping plants alive. It’s that short attention span of mine that gets me in trouble every time. I will go so far as to put a plant right by the kitchen sink so that I will remember to water it. And then I will walk by it for weeks on end saying to myself, I really should water that. And eventually it will give up the ghost, dying of thirst only inches from the kitchen tap. I hang my head in shame.

For that reason, I have a house full of silk plants and cactus plants. Cactuses don’t mind very little water. In fact, they kinda like it that way. Totally suits me.

But my boss, being very sweet and thoughtful, gave me an Amaryllis, trusting that I would keep it alive. And determined to show all those in my family who laughed when I brought it in the door that I am not as incompetent as they would like to believe, I set it on the kitchen counter, right near the sink. I would show them all. This plant would be tall and beautiful and happy to be living in my house.

After about a week, the poor thing started tilting at an awkward angle, looking for more light. Apparently, the kitchen did not supply enough for its tastes. So being the ever patient soul that I am, I moved it to prime property. Right in the living room window where it would get morning sunlight.

I let the dogs in shortly afterwards and was puttering around the kitchen when I heard a major ruckus coming from the livingroom. All three dogs barking maniacly as if something was truly after them. I ran in to find out what the fuss was all about and found them all barking furiously at the menacing Amaryllis in front of the living room window.

This is what I see.
Apparently, this is what they see.

My one hundred pound shepherd hiding behind a basket of pinecones, totally prepared for the onslaught of the vicious Amaryllis, who could at any time take my house hostage, reprogram the dvd player, confiscate the doggy treats, mess with the garage door opener, hide the toothbrushes and threaten our very existence.

Ralph stood as a shield to protect me from the vengance of the mighty Amaryllis as it loomed in front of them, planning it’s future takeover. Ralph is prepared to guard the last of the Christmas ham, all the fixings and that bit of turkey stock that has his name on it.

Faith stood as sentry.  Nothing will get past her.  No evil plant will take over this house as long as the Faith-dog is on duty.  Let it be known that the chihauhau stare of doom will conquer all evils.  Well, most likely that or the yappy Elvis lip thing.  Either way, that plant doesn’t have a chance.

Silly, silly dogs. Afraid of a plant? Crazy!

Ummm….but maybe I’d better try to take good care of this one. I certainly wouldn’t want to press my luck…

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