Perusing my vintage magazines…

You know fads come and go, but they always seem to reappear just when you thought they were dead and buried for good. Examples of that would be the bell bottom jeans, skinny jeans, tube tops and remember the snood? I bet you do. Well the snood seems to be back. I’m not kidding. I found several on sale just the other day at Kohl’s. Snood Power is alive and well.

So after perusing the stacks of old magazines, I found the following truly horrendous and yet fascinating items that really need to be created again for posterity. How boring would this world be without hand crocheted potty covers? Don’t you think that future generations would appreciate how well we covered our appliances with brightly colored hand knit blankets?

So in the interest of keeping our future grandchildren guessing as to our sanity, I offer the following:

 A granny square cover for your toaster. Who would have thought a toaster needed a blanket? Just the definition of toaster alone seems to suggest that maybe the toaster can keep itself warm, but who wants to fight a trend? Apparently, it needs to match your other appliances.

I’m sure if I look hard enough, I can find a similar cover for the fridge. Seems like it might need a blanket more than the toaster. Just sayin’.

On a side note- Aren’t you glad you don’t have ugly superfluous hair and are unloved and discouraged?

And then since we are all matchy-matchy, seems like a tie of the same pattern for your hubby might be in order. Picture the estatic look on his face when he opens the gift box and realizes all the hard work you put into this wonderful gift for him.

Picture the looks on his co-workers faces when he shows up at the company board meeting to make his presentation on projected sales analysis for the upcoming fiscal year. Just the fact that he projects such confidence due to his dapper apparel will surely spread to the rest of conference room and possibly even ensure his upcoming promotion.

And when he gets home from work, be sure to congratulate him on his successful meeting. That is if you can locate him amongst the rest of the granny square covered items in the kitchen..

 

I have this problem every year. What do I get for the serial killer/bank robber side of the family for Christmas?

Aha! The perfect gift!! Just be sure not to put his monogram inside. Just between you and I, the serial killer/bank robber side of my family kind of like to be incognito.

We respect that.

 

For your yardstick that is probably currently sitting naked somewhere being laughed at by the toasty toaster; a cover!

Now your yardstick is not only warm and fashionable, but it has trend setting pompoms!!

Take that, you stupid toaster!

 

And we can’t go into vintage knit and crochet without a stopover in the fashion section. Here we have an awe inspiring pair of knit gaucho pants. Yes, I bet you thought this style was long dead and buried, but here I am to dig it back up. Talk about a flattering look. They are almost as fashion-forward as her dainty pair of glasses.

Perfect for an evening at home with a glass of chablis and a good book. Maybe a short walk with the boyfriend and the dog. Uh… where did that boyfriend go?

The dog is looking for an exit, I believe.

 


Now here is the ultimate professional at work wearing his dapper knit vest that you so handily made for him. We’ve apparently interrupted his important stream of thought as he seems to be in the middle of something, but we just wanted to stop by and say how awesome that color looks especially with his pointy collar, fancy neck scarf and creepy eyeballs.

I’m thinking he might be from the serial killer/bank robber side of the family, but at least he does dress nicely while off duty.

We should knit him a face mask in the same color.

 

 And a little something for the golfer in the family. Bet he is getting tired of getting stupid golf balls and clubs and things for Christmas. He will be the talk of the golf course! And won’t his friends be envious!

This outfit just reeks of the essence of “self-made millionaire.” The only thing he needs now is a hand-made tie.

And I bet we can remedy that now, can’t we?