For all of us “Skinny Wannabees”

A little humor for your day!  I am somewhere in the wilds of Utah this week, and by week’s end will be at the blogger’s convention called, “SNAP”.  In the midst of the traveling, sightseeing, and photo-taking, I am also doing my best to stay on my diet.  Which brought to mind this post from last year. ..

Every now and then I wake up in the middle of the night after falling asleep in front of the television and am confronted with the latest infomercial. Something about being freshly wakened makes me more susceptible to these middle of the night ads. In the daytime, my sanity is clear and I would never once consider purchasing a Majic Bullet, a Chia Pet or a Shake Weight*.

But in the middle of the night in a foggy daze of sleepiness, that dog snuggie looks just perfect for my chihuahua and I definitely could use a boat load of Sham Wow rags. Because, really that guy is pretty darn convincing. To be honest, I’m not sure how I managed to get through the last 40** years without a method of soaking up liquids. Paper towels are so passe.

Quit looking at me like that.  You know you want one.

So a few weeks ago, I found myself in the blurry stage of half asleep-ness, staring at the most recent infomercial of a popular weight loss aid that for the benefit of this blog, I’ll call “Skinny Wannabe”. Anyone who knows me knows that I am constantly on a diet. I actually consider myself a professional dieter. Unfortunately, the past year or two hasn’t been the best, so I’ve reached the stage where I’m trying to work up to the point of doing things right again. So, I was particularly gullible.

Hmmm….lose 12 inches in 12 days! Eat anything you want! You don’t have to exercise! Skinny Wannabe can make you skinny again! Just toss it on your food and viola! You are skinny again! Wow. That would be fabulous. I could be thin by Friday. So how much?

Of course, they didn’t mention that. Just go to the Skinny Wannabe website and order a free month supply. If it doesn’t make you skinny, you just let them know and they will not send you any more. Because this product is so amazing, you will want boat loads of it.

So, I ran to the computer, still half asleep, plugged in the address and checked out Skinny And because I’m a total idiot when I am not fully awake, I typed in my name, address and phone number. And then it wanted my credit card number. Since I was too sleepy to get my purse, I decided to complete the rest of the application in the morning. Sometimes my laziness is quite handy…

In broad daylight and after a nights sleep, I revisited the site and realized what an idiot I was. So I deleted it and then promptly forgot about it. But they didn’t…

Email 1– This is Skinny Wannabe, just letting you know that you forgot to fill out your credit card info! Come stop by and finish your form!

Email 2– Skinny Wannabe here. We noticed that your form is incomplete. Come stop by! You can be skinny by tomorrow if you just fill out this form!

Email 3– Hey there. We at Skinny Wannabe just want you to know that we value your business. Come by now and we’ll give you a discount!

Email 4– Umm…you need to fill out the form. We won’t email you another reminder if you don’t. You are gonna lose out on this!

Email 5– Hey. Are you listening? The form.

Email 6– People are getting skinny and you aren’t. Don’t you think you should fill out the form?

Email 7– Form.

Email 8– We aren’t emailing you again.

Email 9– Really we aren’t.

Email 10– Seriously.

Cell phone: Ring! Hey, this is Skinny Wannabe. We noticed you didn’t finish with the credit card info and we are calling to help you out with it.

Me: Thanks, but no thanks. I changed my mind. I’m not interested.

Skinny: But you don’t want to be skinny?

Me: Nope. I’m cool with fat. click.

Cell phone: Ring! Skinny Wannabe here! You didn’t fill out the form!

Me: I don’t want it. Please leave me alone.

Skinny: But we can make you skinny!

Me: I think my fat fills out my wrinkles. I like my fat. Click.

Cell phone: Ring! Hey, this is Skinny Wanna…click.


*I’d supply you some links here, but really, is that what you want? Google at your own risk. Ha!
**Give or take a few years…