Sitcom Re-run: Everyone in my house is in Big Fat Trouble!



Sandy/Suzys Artsy Craftsy Sitcom

Originally posted on Sept 9, 2010- a little bit of humor for your week!

This is Sandy, our senior citizen German Shepherd. Sandy is a sweet, but cranky old lady with a bit of arthritis, a few issues with her hips and a slight bladder control problem. We can’t hardly fault her for being a bit cranky with all those issues.

But that isn’t why she’s in trouble.

Over the past few years, we’ve been giving her prescription medicine to control the bladder problem. It works great. Every morning, she gets a quarter-sized pill covered in peanut butter. Every morning, she stands expectantly in the kitchen waiting for her morning “treat”. And then suddenly one day, she came to the conclusion that she doesn’t need that pill anymore.

I’m guessing she got to watching Oprah and decided to kick her drug addiction. She has decided that she just plain isn’t going to take it. Coated in peanut butter, wrapped in bread, cut into little peices and mixed with jelly. Heck no. She’s got her mouth clamped shut and her nose in the air.

I even tried prying those jaws open while my daughter chunked it in. Let me tell you, that dog can sit there for an hour with her mouth held shut and when we finally think she swallowed the darn thing, and let go, and she deftly spits out the offending object.

Ralph/Suzys Artsy Craftsy Sitcom

Then there is Ralph. Ralph is our youngest dog, barely out of puppyhood and Ralph has a brand new set of shiny teeth. He really likes them. In fact, he’s chewed up nearly every dog toy in the house. To smitherines.

But that is not why he’s in trouble.

You see I was vacuming the other day and happened upon some huge chips of wood under the dining room table. Further investigation revealed that half the leg was eaten on my beautiful oak table. CRAP! I turned around and looked at the three of them. Ralph hung his head.

So, after thinking about it a bit, I took a bottle of hot sauce and applied it to the eaten leg. That will get him! No sooner did I let him back in the house, when I found him licking the table leg. He thought it was delicious. You know, he is half chihauhau. Yo Quiero Taco Bell… So rather than risk him making a taco out of what was left of that leg, I tied the leg up in a towel so he can’t get to it. Looks stupid, but whatever.

Faith/Suzys Artsy Craftsy Sitcom

And then there is Faith, my other chihauhau/pug mix. Faith is a chubby little thing with the body of a pug and the head of a chihauhau. We can’t keep a collar on her because her neck is bigger than her head. Ha! Needless to say, Faith is a foodaholic. (Not unlike the rest of the family). The vet refers to her as an “ottoman” because her tiny little legs are holding up such a chubby body.

But that is not why she’s in trouble.

You see, we finally found something that will get Sandy to take her pills again. It is a wet dog food located in the refrigerated section next to the Biljack that is packaged in rolls similar to cookie dough. We cut it up into pieces, shove a pill into one of them and Sandy eats it so fast, she has no idea she is back on drugs. Oprah will be upset, but that’s the way it goes.

ANYWAY, I handed Sandy her dogfood covered pill and she accidently dropped it. Faster than a speeding bullet, Faith leaped from behind me, snagged the food covered pill and swallowed it whole before it even hit the ground.

Just great. Luckily, it had no ill effects, but I’m betting she won’t have to pee for days.

The daughter is in big fat trouble because she can’t seem to remember to return my hairdryer to the proper location after she is done with it. Which creates an issue for me in the morning as I search around in the pitch dark in her room for it. And just about break my toe on her door.

The husband is in trouble because he called my office phone 15 times (at least that is what it seemed like) while I was on a conference call on the other line that I couldn’t get off of. Picturing him in the hospital, or a child in a car wreck or some other family member in dire straights, I got off the conference call as soon as I could and returned the call.

“Can you pick me up at the Harley dealer after work?” he asks. AAAARRRGGHH!

I went to back out of the driveway and ran into my daughter’s car.  Nice move on my part.  Now I can’t even complain about everyone else.  At least not in person.  Good thing they don’t read my blog!  Ha!

Ooops, it turns out they do read my blog.  Guess we are all in big fat trouble now…