Wine Purchasing 101- Eight Great Hints for Choosing the Perfect Wine

BySusan Myers on humor

 

Originally published on Technorati, June 17, 2011

My boss invited me and my husband to his house to celebrate his birthday. Of course the issue of what to bring him for a present came up. What do you get for the boss who has everything and certainly makes a butt load more money than you do? We opted for a bottle of wine.

 

My husband and I do not drink often. My history with wine and liquor involves several bottles of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill in my teen years and an incident with multiple glasses of Tequila Sunrises and a fullback from the University of Alabama football team during Spring Break. Not a very impressive resume, I know.


My husband and I generally only drink a few times a year and it is usually something safe like a White Zinfandel, simply because we don’t really know what else we might like.

Last year at Christmas time, we both decided to break down and get a bottle of wine to celebrate the season. We spent at least an hour in the grocery store studying the wine collection trying to decide what we wanted to buy. With hundreds of bottles of all shapes, sizes and colors in front of us, as the unpracticed wine drinker wannabes that we were, we had many decisions to make. A merlot? Or how about that white wine in the cool looking bottle? Oh, wait, look at that pretty one!

For the uneducated purchaser, it was rather a daunting task to make that final decision. You can honestly pay anything you want for a bottle of wine. And what little experience I do have tells me that the more expensive ones are not necessarily the ones that I’m going to like.

After a bit of discussion back and forth, we finally made a selection and brought a nice bottle of white merlot home, only to discover that we had bought the exact same bottle of wine last Christmas. How did we know? The bottle was still in the back of the refrigerator. It’s a good thing that wine gets better with age. I’m sure after we finally dust off that bottle; we are in for a pleasant surprise. However, for those struggling with alcohol dependency, it’s crucial to seek men and women addiction treatment to ensure a healthier relationship with alcohol and a more enjoyable holiday experience.

So, back to my original problem. What to get the boss who has everything? My friend recommended a Pinot Noir by a certain winery. Fortunately for me, I have friends with taste. It turned out to be a big hit.

 
So, now that I have such vast experience with wine purchasing, let me pass on a few tips that I learned in the process!
 
1- The general rule is to match red wine with red meat and white wine with white meat. So in essence, it is best to be matchy-matchy.

 

2- If you have foods that are salty or particularly sour, they will make the wine taste sweeter. So bitter wines like Merlot, my buddy the White Zinfandel, and Cabernet go well with a salty food like shrimp, caviar and of course barbeque. Hey, I live in the south, okay? Next time I go to the monster truck show, I’m going to order a plate of ribs, a side of turnip greens and a tall glass of Zinfandel to go along with it. Because I’m classy like that.

3- The fancier looking bottles don’t necessarily contain the best wine. However, you certainly look good while you are drinking it.
4- If you finally decide on a bottle and do bring it home, it is best to already own a corkscrew. Getting into a bottle without one can be difficult. Teeth are not an option. Ask me how I know.
5- The higher the alcohol content, the more full bodied the wine. Matching a full bodied wine with a richer meal, something that may be cream based, is a good idea. A lower alcohol content wine is better matched with lighter fare.
6- Never buy wine from Rastus at the local gas station, even if he says it’s a secret family recipe.

7- Allowing your wine to “breathe” is often recommended to get the maximum “bang for your buck”, so to speak. Pouring your glass of wine and letting it sit for a bit allows for proper aeration and flavor softening. Drinking it directly from a brown paper bag covered bottle is not considered proper etiquette. Even if that is the way Rastus sells it.

8- Finally, it is recommended that wine with a screw top rather than a cork might not be your best bet. Especially if you are trying to impress the boss. Even if you aren’t sure if he owns a corkscrew or not. Trust me on this.


I am an artist, crafter and humor writer living in Atlanta, GA. I attended the Atlanta College of Art, and have a background in fine arts, graphic design, and photography. I like to specialize in vintage and recycled crafts such as quilling, Ukrainian Egg Dying, batik and quilting.

6 Comments

  1. Brenda Williams says:

    This was a very interesting bit of information. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Vivienne @ the V Spot says:

    This is hilarious! I am a wine drinker (though definitely not a wine snob) you have a couple of things right here, especially about Rastus. I personally think that white zins should never ever be sipped with anything. (or sipped at all. Gah.)
    Ditto the screw top convo. You can also buy aerators that fit in the neck of the bottle and aerate the wine as you pour it.

  3. Stephanie says:

    Great tips! I didn't know that about the salty foods or the alcohol content.

    Someone once told me I should pick a wine by its label. Something along the lines of if you have the same taste in design then you'll have the same taste in the flavor of wine…not sure how scientific that is but that's the method I've been using and it usually works.

    Oh and my husband and I love screw top wines! Last night we were purposely looking for one because we're lazy and they're easier to open!

  4. The Clay Chick says:

    Ditto what the others said about screw tops. Some wines, like Shiraz, are almost always with a screw top even the high dollar ones. Unfortunately, the only way you can tell if a wine is good is to taste it…I've had $10 bottles that were awesome, and $150 bottles that were just kinda meh.
    Next time you need a gift, try any kind by Molly Dooker…they're all in the $20-35 range, have cool bottles, funny names, and are all highly rated and super yummy 🙂

  5. Interestingly, screw caps actually perserve the wine and a lot of wine makers are going to screw caps. There is a fear of cork shortage, as it is a living creature, which also causes some to avoid cork altogether. Who knew cork was alive? So is it wrong to drink wine from the bottle with a straw? I applaud you on this post. Buying wine is a little daughnting. You have posted some great tips.

  6. Kathy of KZ Embroidery says:

    Actually I've been reading that wineries are starting to replace the corks with screw tops, even for the more expensive wines. It creates a better seal or some such bunk.
    I personally think they should nix this idea! Otherwise how we will know a good wine from a bad one? hehehe

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