Lessons in Life: Don’t scare the crap out of your mom

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of American Family Insurance. All opinions are 100% mine.

American Family Insurance is currently offering a family friendly group of videos on their website called “Stand Up For Family” of various stand-up comics talking about family life.  Be sure to take a few moments and check out some of the videos.  They are all very relatable and I’m sure that they will put a smile on your face.  A few of my favorites include Bill Bellamy’s takes on respect, and knowing that it is time to go home when the street lights come on.
As a child of the 60’s and 70’s, I can totally relate to this.  Times are always changing and our parents all had different ways of raising us and I’m sure our children will have their tales too.  But one tale that comes to mind of my childhood dealt with how discipline was handled in my house and how very effective my parent’s way of dealing with it was on my brother and me.

We lived about a mile from the elementary school and my younger brother and I had to walk to school each day.  Of course, we tell our children that it was uphill both ways in the snow with no shoes, but in reality, it really wasn’t too terrible.  I was put in charge of my little brother and was responsible for getting us both home in a timely manner.  One day, my brother and I got the brilliant idea to take a “short cut” through the woods on the way home from school.  I guess we were looking for a bit of variety.
Unfortunately, we did not account for the fact that the chosen pathway was over-run with briars.  We did not have much common sense at the time, so instead of turning around and going back to the sidewalk, we chose to continue dredging through the briars, making our way home.  We lost track of time quickly and did not realize that my mother, who expected us home at a certain time, had moved into panic mode.
Not owning a second car (as was the norm then), mom went all the way to the school and back, following the sidewalk that we were supposed to be on, asking those that she met on the way if they had seen us.  Now that I have children of my own, I can only imagine the panic.  She was heading back to the house to call the police, when my brother and I emerged from the woods, picking briars out of our hair.
Fear turns to relief, turns to anger pretty darn quickly and mom gave both my brother and I a major chewing out.  Poor mom was so mad at us that she didn’t know what to do.  So, she issued the ultimate threat.  The phrase that could make the bravest child quake in their shoes.  “Just wait til your father gets home!”
I remember sitting on my bed waiting for dad to get home and thinking that my hours were numbered.  Surely when he got home, there would be severe penalties.  I imagined the worst.  For sure, we were going to get a spanking.  But what other awful things would happen?  Maybe he would send us off to a child’s prison camp where we would have to wash dishes all day and eat nasty things like carrots and red beets.  Maybe he would sell our toys and make us sleep on the linoleum.  Maybe he would send us off to an orphanage and get new, good kids to replace us.  The waiting and worrying was terrible.
And then I heard the front door open and held my breath as I heard the murmur of my mom telling my dad the events of the day.  And I heard his footsteps as he walked down the hallway, heading to my room.  And my heart beat in my ears as my bedroom door opened and my dad’s shadow filled the doorway.  I swallowed hard and looked up at him with tears in my eyes, knowing that this was it.  I was doomed.  The punishment was at hand.  I was resigned to the fact that at least the terrible waiting was over.
And dad said, “Don’t do that again.”
And turned around and went back in the living room.
I sat there for a while with my mouth open.  Apparently, I was going to live to see another day.  I learned a few valuable lessons that day.  I learned that physical punishment is not always necessary.  I learned that respect for your parents is something important to instill in your kids.  And finally, I learned don’t take short cuts in the woods and scare the crap out of your mom. Seriously.
Take a few moments and check out some of the great family-friendly stand-up acts that AmFam has put together for you.  It will make you smile.