Why I don’t like food that is looking at me…

Every Friday night is date night for me and my husband. We used to go to the same Italian restaurant every Friday, but they closed down last summer and we’ve been on a never-ending quest to find a replacement ever since. Last week we tried a place that I just happened to run across while shopping.

Unfortunately, it was a bit fancier than we were expecting. I showed up in my Sponge Bob-Square Pants T-shirt, and my husband had on his normal uniform- a Harley shirt and jeans. You know you are in trouble when there is linen tablecloths and napkins, someone shows you to your seat, pulls it out for you and puts a napkin in your lap, and they hand you a wine list.  We kinda stood out like a sore thumb, but I guess our money is as good as anyone else’s.

I ordered the pasta and veggies in red sauce. Can’t remember the Italian name for it. I’m sure it was something fancy like Al Dente Penne Noodlo Marinara with Vegetableso. You know the longer the name, the pricier the meal. Just saying. The food was good but a touch on the pricey side for our taste. The week before, we slummed it at Ruby Tuesday’s. Price was better, but food was a bit bleh. Yep, our old Italian restaurant totally spoiled us.

So my husband suggests a local pizza/Italian chain which for the benefit of the blog, I will call the Creepy Italiano. He likes their pizza slices. I can’t even walk in the door. You see, I had a bad experience at the Creepy Italiano.

Several years ago, I went there with a group of co-workers for lunch. As usual, I was on a diet, so I perused the menu looking for something that I could actually have. This particular chain is known for their greasy pizza slices and while I sure do like pizza, it’s not the best thing for the waist line. Or in my case, I just need to save my body some time and go ahead and just tape it onto my hips.

I located an item on the menu- a veggie sandwich. Sounded good, so I ordered it along with a glass of water. Yep, I was all smug with diet conciousness. So everyone else got their pizza slices and I was given a nice sized veggie sandwich with lots of lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, etc. So far so good.

I eat the first half of the sandwich while we laugh and talk and take a bite out of the second half and set it down on my plate while I get a sip of water. It is at that point that the ridiculous happened. As would only happen to me. Somehow, I just attract odd situations. I think it’s in the blood.

I see movement on my plate and look down to see a slug the size of my thumb crawling out of my half eaten sandwich. It seemed to happen in slow motion. Let me try to illustrate the gruesomeness. It slithered out of my sandwich onto my plate leaving a trail of slime behind it, with nasty little antennas twitching this way and that on his shiny little head.

O.M.G. It took a moment to register that I had come thisclose to munching on slug sushi. He slimed his way across my plate, stopping briefly at my pickle, gave me a wink, and then made his merry way to the edge in preparation of his escape. I’m sure he had other plans. You know, places to go, things to see, objects to slime on.

Everyone at the table saw the look of abject horror on my face and looked down at my plate to see what the problem was. And everyone at my table stood up at the same time and screamed bloody murder. Of course, the management came running and were very apologetic, but I’m sorry, it didn’t help. They offered to make me another sandwich, but at that point, thinking of all the slime that I had potentially eaten, I’d lost my appetite. So its just a bit of protein, you say? Maybe, but it is slimy and still moving. And it is a SLUG! BLEH!

So needless to say, we did not go there on Friday. My husband will have to get his pizza slices on his own. And our search for a replacement restaurant goes on…

Hope you weren’t eating while reading this….if so…sorry. Ha!