Don’t tell the Christmas Light Police….
Originally published on The Sitcom – December 2010
My husband and I argue about very few things and most of those things are just small annoyances. He doesn’t like the fact that I can’t seem to take a shirt off without leaving it inside out. He hates that I don’t put the bread tie back on the bread; that I spend money on “useless” things such as manicures, craft supplies, fabric and knitting books. He wishes that I would be more friendly to the neighbors as I tend to keep to myself.
Well, I have my reasons! The one across the street is a total gossip. The few times I have spoken with her, I ended up standing there nodding my head as she gave me the life story and sordid details of everyone in the neighborhood. True, I can be as nosy as the next person, but I do not need to know about other’s prostate exams, who came out of the closet and who just cheated on who. I figure anyone that loves to gossip that bad would not stop short of gossiping about me. (Not that I actually do anything interesting enough to gossip about, but it’s the principle!) Ha!
The other neighbor, who I refer to as “Pug Lady”, seems to have no other purpose on earth but to walk her pug through the neighborhood while it liberally poops on everyone else’s yard except for hers.
My husband has his issues too. I don’t like the fact that he creates small piles of paperwork everywhere which I am not to move without penalty of death. He leaves his big a$$ shoes all at the end of the bed so that I can trip over them in the middle of the night. He taught the dog to burp- I swear he did! He squishes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube and he has no problem farting in public and blaming me.
All in all, these are tiny things that never cause anything more than a mild discussion between us. But there is one thing that never fails to put us into screaming fits of anger:
Hanging Christmas lights.
There I said it. The three dirty words that wreak havoc on our marriage. And the weekend after Thanksgiving is traditionally our weekend to hang lights, so in other words it is our weekend to have our annual big fight.
Because there is nothing more aggravating than trying to put lights on a house when one person (who shall be un-named) is such a perfectionist that he insists on the number of lights on one side of the house be the exact same number as those on the other side, and then there is the reasonable person who feels that the “Light Police” will most likely be uninterested in that fact.
So when that un-named person insists on pulling all the lights back down and starting over after we’ve already spent three hours hauling around a gynormous ladder and risking life and limb to be all “Christmas spirity”, I have a tendency to get a bit short tempered.
Just saying.
So why do we do it? Because we have Christmas spirit, dang it!!
Over the past couple of years, we had gradually lost the Christmas light spirit. The lights were stored in the attic and a few years ago, they were given away. End of story so I thought. But this year my husband has suddenly gotten back the spirit.
I should have suspected something when I discovered his truck radio tuned to the radio station that plays “All Christmas music all the time!” Next thing I know, I found myself standing beside him at Home Depot while he loaded several thousand outside lights into the cart. Oh my, here we go again…
We spent this past weekend putting new LED lights on the house and hauling around our gynormous ladder. While “Mr. Perfectionist” was still in action, it wasn’t nearly as stress inducing as I remember. In fact, we nearly had a good time of it.
And he was able to let go of the fact that there are two more lights on one side of the house than on the other. So, in a show of good sportsmanship, I did my part and smiled at the “Pug Lady” as her dog took a huge dump next to my mailbox.
Heck, if he can change, so can I.
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LOL Thank you! and your Hubby for re-energizing. My hubby and I are much like you and yours. But this year mine surprised me with a spanking brand new home! Yeah, only in this one 1 1/2 years, now I am sick of packing boxes. Sorting boxes from the one the movers will take and what we take in the car. And it will be not a single car trip but m.a.n.y. It always amazes me that hubbies think we can pack a 4bedrm home up in a few days. Then when all is packed, he is the one dragging his feet to set up the movers, electricity, gas, etc. Wishing you a HAPPY THANKSGIVING, and good luck on Black Friday shopping, and I’m thankful for you making me laugh today.
I needed that laugh tonight-the Eve of Thanksgiving believe me. This is when I wish I had three arms and rollerblades. It’s like this for every holiday and hubby wants to know what all the fuss is about. Well for one thing, while he plays his video games, I am vacuuming at 10pm and no matter what-snowstorm, rain,cold or sickness my B-I-L shows up at 10am while I am still in my jammies. Well no more-the house is a Mess and I am getting up at 6am so I get a chance to shower this year-while hubs will sleep til noon. Dinner is at 3pm. So you see, I can relate. Happy T-Day!
I had to LOL while reading your story. It reminded me of hubby and I in our younger years but I eventually gave up trying to get my husband to get equal lights on both sides of the house….since it is his department and not mine, I let him be. He has come up with a solution…leave the lights on year round! Not in HIS lifetime!! So he grumbles and mutters. I do encourage him to put them up in early November before the first frost! Then he criticizes MY tree….he wants to put icicles or silver tinsel UGH!!! or worse spray on snow!!! NEVER!!! After 39 years of marriage, I just give him the eye if any comments come out that starts with the word tinsel…so my dear, smile and word your sentence another way and train him well!!! LOL!!! works for me!
Just saying…..lol!
you are a great story teller, you make me laugh every time, even though you might not think its funny at that time. I would get over the lights, but not the dog pooping in my yard,lol!!!!!
I think our husbands are the twin sons of different mothers. (Remember that album??!!) Anyhow…my argument is normally over the ornaments on the tree. “Don’t you think there are enough things on the tree?” Of course he gets the over the top of the glasses look that says, “would you like to do this?” And the craft stuff…can’t even go there. I read him your story and got the over the top of the glasses look right back. Can’t interpret that in print. I don’t get blamed for farting in public, but if I do cuddle up to him or try to kiss him he usually looks at me and says, “you charge how much an hour?” After 25 years of marriage, it definitely keeps it fun and me smiling. Thanks for the laughs!
You are going to get me committed…I opened this at work today and was laughing out loud in my cubicle by myself!!! I am sure they all wondered what I was doing over there.